Number 13 - Ooo Triskadekaphobia?

Triskaidekaphobia - the fear of the number 13, but you knew that already!(fear of Friday the 13th is Friggatriskaidekaphobia or paraskavedekatriaphobia)
Allegedly there are fewer accidents on a Friday the 13th - one theory is coz everyone is too terryfied to venture out on that day. Weird!!

Some other number facts that I have picked up
-40 is the same in celsius and fahrenheit (and also bloody cold)
496 is a perfect number (my brain melted when I tried to research what a perfect number is)
666 is the human number associated with the beast according to the bible (incedentally the fear of this number is the tongue-destroying hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia! Catchy!)

Number 12 - Go figure!

Simon Cowell has heard of Chris Cornell! And an arrangement of Billie-Jean that I can listen to without gouging my eyes out or tearing my ears off. No, I personally don't like Michael Jackson songs. So there.

Number 11 - Saxomophone, alcomahol and hey-diddly-ey via Tmesis!!

God bless our English language! Its so complex and inference can hang on the position of a simple comma. So, even as a fluent English speaker (will I ever be fluent??) I'm still learning brand new things about my mother tongue. I took French at A-Level and was shocked at how hard it was...you needed a degree in English first to understand the majority of it. If you a a tad shaky on what a past participle or what the third person present indicitive is or even what a conditional or imperitive verb is. So at last an easy thing to understand! The infix. The infix is a distant relative of the prefix and the suffix (even I know what they are!!) except the infix goes inside the word, not before or after it. The infix is rare in English and often get mixed up with the tmesis! Tmesis is the process of slipping a word into another. Your friend and mine Ned Flanders uses Tmesis all the time "Wel-diddly-elcome". Although this is groovy - I prefer expletive infixation "ABSO-BLOODY-Lutely" or "Fan-SMEGGING-tastic"! The expletive infixation is most useful when trying to make a word sound more HEAVY METAL simply take any word: "Primrose" for example. Split it at the syllable insert a naughty word (you know the one I mean, its got seven letters and starts with F and ends with "ing") and hey presto "Prim-f*****g-Rose" - How heavy metal is that!! Go on try it yourself - the expletive infixation and tmesis - make your English more interesting!

Number 10 - Eins, zwei, drei

I read a lot of history books when I was growing up - an unhealthy interest in the second world war I suppose. Anyway, there was a term that kept cropping up that I always took for granted "the Third Reich". I dunno why I never questioned it. I know that the second world war was so called because it was the SECOND, World War. Only recently, since I started my hunt for knowledge, have I paused and thought: "so does that mean that there was a first and second reich?" Turns out yes there was! Awesome - some more knowledge!! The first Reich is a term used to describe the Holy Roman Empire and lastest (a really really uber long time) from 962 - 1806 ad. The second Reich was a tad shorter, from 1871 - 1918. And the third Reich lastest Even shorter (1933 - 1945) and yes the Nazis were RUBBISH!! So I wonder if Chancellor Merkel fancies going for a Forth Reich??! Reich by the way means "Empire". Another word to add to my limited German Vocab, admittedly most of my German comes from Rammstein lyrics so I don't know if "fürchtet euch fürchtet euch nicht" (be afraid, don't be afraid) would ever come in handy anywhere outside a Rammstein gig!

So there you go - 1,2,3 Reichs!

Number 9 - Plutonian

Astrologically, ignoring whether Pluto is a planet or not (it shoots the old rhyme in the foot: Seven Mild Vicars Eating Jam Sandwiches Under Nine.....under nine what - I think either a new rhyme or leave Pluto where it is!!) it does interest me, with it being so far away from the Sun. It amazes me that we know more about the surface of the moon than the bottom of the ocean. (why??) Anyway I have learned that Pluto has 3 moons (or satellites to give them proper designation) Charon (discovered in 1978) Nix and Hydra (discovered 2005). The most amazing thing apart from their names, which do sound strangely like Gladiators, is the fact that the Romans knew about Jupiter and Saturn 2000 years ago and I doubt that they used anything more than "damn good eyesight" and maybe the hand used as a sunshading tool (we've all done it!!) and now with Hubble Telescopes et al. we are finding out so much more to add to our knowledge. It begs the question what else we find...before you ask no I don't believe in UFOs or ETs yet but I am open minded. Bring on the KNOWLEDGE!!

Number 8 - Crash Bang Wallop

As an educator I am constantly asking questions designed to challenge the youths to further themselves. I am also used to fielding various strange questions posed by the kiddies too. So imagine my surprise at being flumoxed by a question recently.
Me :"Yes small child A"
Small Child A: "Y'know Onomatopoeia?"
Me :" Yes - the word that describes the sound that it makes"
Small Child A: "Yeah like Boom and SQUELCH."
Me: (thinking) "Are you stalling to get out of doing the focused task that I have set you?"
Me: (talking) "Yes, do you understand what I've asked you to do?"
Small Child A: "Oh yes, I know what onomatopoeia is, but what does it mean?"
Me: "It means the sound..."
Small Child A: "No, I mean the word O-N-O-M-A-T-O-P-O-E-I-A. Its not English, so what does it mean"
Me "GET ON WITH YOUR WORK!!" (this last bit is just fiction - secretly I was fumbling for an answer, anything - C'mon rudimentary Latin lessons from 10 years ago - Do I know any Greek? Is it Welsh? Aggghhhh!!

Genuinely stumped, I congratulated the child on his ability to bamboozle the teacher and proceed on a quest to locate the eytomology of this complex word. So it is Greek...
onoma meaning "name" and poeia "I create". So Onomatopoeia means I create a name...further thought reveals it to mean "I create a name for this sound!"

A genuine new learn!

And something to share with the Small Child A who I hope will appreciate the answer! :)

Number 7 - A quick half

Belgium is home to 115 breweries that produce about 500 beers - Wow!! And I've only sampled about 20 of them! There is much I need to achieve and suddenley I feel an urge to visit Belgium with a straw, a notepad, a sleeping bag and enough Euros to fund a binge of Belgian proportions!! No wonder the Belgians are quite chilled!

Number 6 - The American Way

Gettysburg - A turning point in American history. Lee's army turned back by Grant in July 1863. So what did I learn about this Yankee/ Reb scrap. I already knew a little about the American Civil War, god bless Anne Stanyon's history lessons, I knew roughly why it started with Fort Sumnter being bombed back to the stone age. I also know some of the major generals, Sherman, Stonewall Jackson, Butler, McLellan, Buford (my favourite is Sherman, he looks solid!)

Anyhoo - Thanks to Iced Earth (Metal band - very good) I've learned the main events of the fracas at Gettysburg!
At the end of July 1st the confederates held the town of Gettysburg and most of Seminary Ridge, however the Union holds the high ground.
July the 2nd - Union positions such as Colonel Chamberlain's 20th Maine hold their ground against repeated Confederate assaults.
July 3rd - Pickett's charge, the assault on Cemetary Ridge.

I have also learned that Lincoln's world famous "Gettysburg Address" - hey even a poor white Yorkshireman like me knows "Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers..."- was an also ran event. I learned that the greatest orator of his day Edward Everett was asked to do a speech on that famous day. Everett went on for 2 hours. As an after thought they asked Lincoln to say a few words. Ole Abe rattled on for a mere 2 minutes and changed American history. Ain't that just bloody typical! My view of most Americans is of one who would steal land from Native Americans, step over their own mother to get a head in society, sulk at the English and kick off a revolution that only the minority of colonists supported, they are brash, boasting and maintain that they saved our "assess" in "WW2" despite only fighting in it for 3 years (1942 - 1945 (December 1941 cannot be counted as a year)). (I love generalising so no need to message or anything) So here we have an "American Hero" and I ask myself why? Is it because Lincoln only spoke for 2 minutes compared to 2 hours. I also wonder if Lincoln had been 2 hours and Everett was 2 minutes if the Famous Gettysburg Address would start slightly differently?!?

So controversial US history...what next?

Number 5 - The Cops Socks

In the 1880's a famous French detective Robert Ledru, went on holiday - Now you'd think that like any good holiday maker that sun, sea and "beaucoup de vin" would be enough to rest and relax "le flic". Turns out that it turned into a bit of a busman's holidy for him. One day he was confronted by a local gendarme who had discovered a grizzly body on the beach. (maybe a Yorkshireman - shagged out and boozed out (see previous post)) The local rozzers asked Ledru to solve this bizarre case. Armed with a Sherlock Holmes style magnifying glass he examinded the scene. All that was found was some footprints, Ledru took one look at these footprints and suddenly declared "case solved." Soon after Ledru plonked the evidence onto his captain's desk. It turns out that the beach footprints were missing the big toe on one foot. Ledru removed his sock and revealed to everyone's surprise that his toe was missing too. The explaination - Overworked and stressed, Ledru had begun to sleepwalk whilst on holiday. One night he had sleepwalked and sleepkilled the victim. The rozzers refused to believe him but eventually the evidence was overwhelming. Due to exemplory service he was kept under house arrest until he died 50 years later.

Ledru the detective so good, he caught himself!

You see...Learning can be fun!!

I wonder what next??!

Number 4 - S.E.X.

*GASP* a shocking subject!! So what could I possibly have learned about "sweet lovin'" ? Well it turns out that there was a recent survey that recorded how many times on average Britons had sex and then worked out which area was the most active - It turns out that it is the White Roses themselves the Yorkists! Yes Yorkshiremen have sex on average 128 times a year compared to the national average of 118 times a year! Furthermore 57% admit to being satisfied with their lovelives! GO TEAM YORKSHIRE! So my next question to learn should be what the hell goes on the other 237 days/ nights??? Well it turns out another survey points out that Yorkshire also has the highest alcohol consumption per captia in the Country so I theorise that on the 237 nights not satisfying their fine Yorkshire wench or lord, my countymen are either down the pub, the kebabarie or too...erm...whats the word...tabled (see previous post) to perform. So alcohol consumption linked to sex? Who knows? I'll add it to my quest!

Well done Yorkshire, virile-satisfying-boozing and AWESOME!! I'm so proud...

Number 3 - IKEA

Now, I don't drive. I come from up North where the pub is more important than "getting around". I couldn't handle the driving lessons, too much of multi-limb action for me and I can't get the hang of it. Oh I know the vital part that a car would play in my life.

If I DID drive, I know for a fact that my wife already has a destination planned. Not the sublime Galway sands, not the elegant majesty of the York city walls but IKEA. Cool, lets pick up some crazily named furniture, which to me sounds dirty - the english language is such that ANY word can be made to mean either drunk by adding 'ed' (carpet 'ed', floor'ed' catalogu 'ed') or can mean a pair of breasts (loaves, mice, Hapsburgs). Swedish is AWESOME for this and turns me into a 13 schoolboy when I leaf through the GROOVY catalogue. BODÖ, Aspelund, Dilling and Fjellend and my personal favourite RAMBERG! Although shouting "Get your Fjellends out!" while totally "catalogued" may add a degree of Euro-sophistication, it is just as unlikely as English to achieve the desired outcome.

Anyway my new thing for the day - Ikea was founded by Ingvar Kamprad with IKEA being a rather catchy anacronym Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd (the farm where he grew up)Agunnaryd (his home county in Småland) *giggle giggle*

Well if I ever get round to buying a car and if after road TAX, petrol TAX, car TAX and MOT, Insurance and of course petrol prices I still have any money left and can't afford that Chippendale desk, I may venture to this wonderful place buying something that sounds grubby and will inevitably ruin my weekend as I try to find the correct allen key to tighten the screw that holds the thing together. GODDAMN YOU KAMPRAD! YOU AND YOUR FLATPACKS!!

Toodles!

Number 2 - Spam fritters (my hard disk away)

So being an up-to-date 21st Century guy, I naturally check my Emails everyday. I know to ignore any that offer "penis enlargements" or "you are a winner!" emails. I even know what SPAM is. I love spam fritters but thats away from the point. Today I have learned that the Zero sector is where the important information is stored on your hard disk (that is the mother board). I even recieved an email bearing the warning:
"If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept."

Doom and gloom indeed, however I will heed the warning. If CNN are scared then I suppose that I should be too. Why people see the need to want to destroy my hard disk I don't know. Some spotty, yellowy git in some dimly lit room with "Dungeons and Dragons" posters on the wall and a distain for authority, ok so I generalise - I love D&D and have been known to suffer from an incy inferiority complex but Hackers, whats the need? Do something constructive with your computing skills, like solve the credit crunch or tackle childhood literacy issues. Don't waste my time and everyone elses by being a prat. So what have I learned today? Computer viruses are man made, the zero sector is the proper name for the info-storing segment, hard disky, drivey thing and I'm getting bored of SPAM emails, no matter how much vital info they store.

Right I'm off to play D&D - brace yourself Dungeon Master, for I have up-levelled and am henceforth more mighty!!

Number 1 - Lets get Nebula!

Ok so first on the learning trail is Immanuel Kant - no I'm not going to go into epistemology. Apparantly 250 years ago this clever chap thought that there must be more going on in the universe and tried to explain how stars and planets were made. He took an idea by the chap that founded Sweden (ok so probably not!!) Emanuel Swedenborg and polished and improved it.
Kant theorised that nebulas (nebulae given the correct plural), slowly rotating discs of gas, eventually flatten and form planets and stars thus leading to not only our Galaxy but all the others as well. Although what kick starts the nebula spinning or what caused the nebula to form in the first place is a mystery - to me at least! I'll let you know when I learn it!

Awesome! But now allegedly scientists are coming round to this way of thinking albeit filtered down through many clever and tongue-twistingly named sorts (Pierre La Place, Thomas Chamberlin, Forest Moulton, Andrew Prentice and Victor Sofronov). There we go - Thing number 1 learned

Where it began!

Talking to my Dad the other day, it made me think. It appears that he has not learned anything new since he left University (this is obviously not totally true, but I know he still struggles with programming the VCR - a task made even harder as my mum has replaced the VCR with a DVD re-recorder (good luck Dad!!)) Anyway this made me wonder; what have I learned since leaving university? Ok so I know that George W. Bush has the middle name "Walker" and that you can't order curry on the Isle of Wight on a Monday, but I'm talking proper learning. Remember when you were in school and you learned how to tell the time, or to tie your shoelaces? That's learning. So I've made it my job to learn a brand new thing everyday! I wonder how I'll get on, or even if there's that much learning to be done!